A Life in Flow; Back to an everyday practice of breathing and being both on and off the mat (Mindfulness and Yoga)
Wow, so this is my first yoga class taught in a new house, after my third surgery this summer/fall (over a 10 week period!), and as a published author! A World Turned Upside Down; A memoir of healing is officially out! You can by on Amazon or Barnes & Noble; paperback or ebook. Or you can visit amysosne.com and you will be able to order from my site. This memoir, this vulnerable piece of my life, has been an ultimate goal in order for me to start the process of healing and reflection into who I am as an individual, why I am, and acceptance as well as “heck yeah!” gratitude of what I have become.
It’s weird; I’m a very open person about my trauma now, because I feel a need and heartfelt desire to share my experiences in order to help others talk about theirs. Growing up in the 90s, times were very different; we did not have as much insight and knowledge into childhood behaviors that are manifestations of trauma. If a child was well-behaved and not overly disruptive, there was no need to dig further. A child’s ability to hide trauma was not a skill, but was a necessity, because young children lack the language and comprehension to possibly give voice to the horrors that they might endure. Some children act out, some are introverted and quiet, some children appear to lack focus and attention and are diagnosed with ADHD, and some students may seem oppositional, but they really are just replaying flashbacks in their minds and unable to listen or participate in the reality around them. We all are aware of ACEs (adverse childhood events/experiences) fully described by the National Institute of Global Health for Pediatrics, the Center for Disease Control. The higher the score, the more likely individuals will grow up to have psychiatric disorders, substance use issues, other addictions, and physiological risk factors for heart disease, types of cancer, inflammatory processes that instigate release of cytokines and a reaction in the body that negatively impacts the individual. I teach all about the ACEs and trauma and the short and long-term impact on individuals especially those whose trauma is well before their brains are developed. The Biological Effects of Childhood Trauma are real and the lasting impact on both the child, the individual, and later the adult are significant.
Our brain does not fully develop until we are 25-26 years old. The last thing to develop in our brain is our prefrontal cortex, which controls our executive functioning skills; skills like planning and impulse control. Early on trauma can become etched or imprinted into our developing neural circuitry in our brain. Later, especially if there is repetitive trauma (imagine carving wood; if you keep carving into the same line, there will be a deeper and deeper slit, which will get harder to “undo.”). These imprints are recalled when individuals are triggered by something that subconsciously or consciously reminds them of the trauma. The individual does not even have to be aware of the trauma, but the trigger pulls the switch for the individual to go into fight or flight (survival mode). The sympathetic nervous system is fully activated and the individual becomes beholden to the amygdala, that part of the brain that processes emotions and memories associated with them. The amygdala gets activated to prepare the body physiologically for fight or flight mode and the information from the trigger is never seen by the more rational part of the brain.
Individuals with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder who are triggered will do anything, even if it is not in keeping with the actual threat, to escape the perceived threat. There becomes a disconnect between what the trigger is (maybe it’s just walking through a department store and smelling cologne) and what the trigger is perceived as by the traumatized individual. I realize I’m getting into details here and many of you (probably most of you) are asking, why? Why now do I write this description of trauma and the process of how it affects our nervous system? I began yoga at 10 years old. My mom and tennis coach (but mostly my mom) thought it would be a good idea to help with my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Anxiety. I would get into modes of tantrumming and there was no turning back – a trigger flipped the switch, which flipped out me! I remember yoga was not “big” back then in the early 90s. My mom and I went 40 minutes or so in NJ suburbia to find a yoga instructor who would teach children. I remember my mother fastidiously taking notes and trying to draw pictures of the asanas that the instructor led me through.
There was no google or YouTube to show us these poses; maybe some books, but not many. But, the real key to the yoga was that I felt like I could breathe. I controlled my movement and my breath and my body on MY MAT. Yoga came to me after a horrific year. Not that it saved me, but it taught me the freedom and the control that we have over our movement and bodies. So, as my memoir is released, I think that it is important to share that yoga was and still is a main coping mechanism for me even to this day. Yoga does not just = movement. Yoga = union and freedom to express.
